if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
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