dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
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