If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
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