theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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