i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I think I am morally bankrupt
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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