I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Randomize