i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
