Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
