Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize