Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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