you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
