I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
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