Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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