You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
