I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
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