this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
