butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
