How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
