also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
