bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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