when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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