Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Randomize
