fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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