I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
