Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize