then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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