So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
