All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Randomize
