i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
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