My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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