What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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