We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
