Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
