John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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