And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
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