What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
