so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
