that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
