Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
