It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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