you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
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