I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
