you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
