Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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