So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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