I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Randomize
