can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Someone shattered a urinal.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize