Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
