Welp...herpes.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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