i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize