My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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