I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
