i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
