I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
