i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
