also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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