i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
What happened to fro yo and sex?
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