So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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