I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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