Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
everyone is single if you try hard enough
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Randomize
