I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Randomize
