Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
barbara walters just said penis...
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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