There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Randomize
