is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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