Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
