I don't think brook has ever known best
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
