he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
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