no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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