Who wears a wallet chain?!
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
