HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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