She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize