She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
