I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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