we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
